Gwyneth Montenegro is the author of 10,000 Men and Counting
a harrowing account of one woman's sexual escapades while she was
working as an escort. Here at Jezebel, we are nothing if not committed
to science, so we asked a statistician to run the numbers on how long
that whole thing would take.
Before we begin, I have to let you know a few things:
1.
Montenegro's number is 10,091 as of last count. Her book title only
mentions 10,000 so we're going to go for the nice round number because
the statistician I hired to run the numbers (read: my teaching colleague
Liz Scharnetzki) had to go teach a class.
2. The time
in the following graphs is measured by how long it would take each man
to thrust to completion. According to Web MD, the finest source for
diagnosing yourself with inoperable brain cancer when you don't want to
visit a doctor, lists the average time a man takes to complete as 5.4 minutes. In general, the range is between one and twenty minutes. We used the average.
3. Less
than two minutes is considered premature ejaculation, but we are
counting it because it's quite possible that at least some of
Montenegro's clients had sexual problems. Also, good for you quick guys!
More time to watch TV and nap after.
4. We
assumed that Montenegro had slept with each man only once and that she
did not participate in orgies (again, because Liz had to go teach a
class and just didn't have time for that).
5. Foreplay was not accounted for.
That should
be everything, so here's the data, which is raw — just like you
shouldn't be when you're having sex with a stranger! Please practice
safer sex everyone!
Liz ran the
numbers through excel and came up with the following information, which
will tell you how long it would take to have sex with 10,000 men if
each man lasted the one minute, the average 5.4 minutes, or 20
minutes, which sounds like way too long, really.
Whatever, show us the science, Excel.
Here's how long it would take in days, without interruption:
And here's how long it would take in hours, again with no interruptions.
If you
assume that Montenegro had sex with one man per day, that means it would
take her over 27 years to complete this feat. But considering that she
only worked as an escort for a "drug-fueled" 12 years,
we can make the assumption that she had sex with at least two men most
days, likely 3-4 on some. And that men/day number grows even larger when
you consider that Montenegro likely took vacations — did you know that
you can count a vacation as an tax write-off if you spend more days for
business than pleasure? — and days off.
So how long
does it really take to have sex with 10,000 men? Too fucking long,
really. I wouldn't recommend it. Neither would Liz. Before she left to
teach the impressionable young minds of tomorrow, she said that she
didn't believe that Montenegro had banged 10,000 guys.
"It's anatomically impossible. Your vag would break. It's just science."
Yes, #Science.
Update: Commenters have pointed out that Montenegro might find this helpful.
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